It’s been 36 years, and I am still madly in love with my husband. Maybe it would be more accurate to say that I keep falling in love with the same person over and over, who happens to be my spouse.

It’s not about any of the stuff you see in the media that’s supposed to keep the romance going—no Caribbean vacations (he hates to travel), dream houses, or diamond necklaces. We’ve never had a ton of money, but so what? IMO, my husband’s got the “How to Be an Irresistible Spouse” thing down.

In fact, I really think he should write a book to share his secrets to success, but I know he never will. He’d rather be gardening, his favorite form of spiritual practice.

So, for anyone out there who wants to be an irresistible spouse, I feel it’s my duty to share a few of his secrets:

1. Keep the Love Notes Coming

Ever since my husband retired, he tucks a love note into the lunch he packs for me on the days I go to teach at the university. No matter what kind of a day I’m having at work, his notes perk me up. Here’s one from this past week:

You Remain

            As the Light

            In My Life

            My Whole World

            My Love

             (Plus You’re funny as Hell!!)

 2. Humor Makes Everything Better

Although my husband thinks I’m funny, he’s the truly funny one. He keeps me laughing, especially about myself, even on my grayest days. We have a little sign on our fireplace mantel that says, “Laughter is the sound of the soul dancing.” My soul has done a whole lot of dancing living with this outrageously funny guy.

3. Food Is Love

My husband is a fabulous cook, and I count myself fortunate not to weigh 400 pounds since he retired. He actually looks perturbed when I enter the kitchen—it’s become his domain. He thinks cooking is right up there with gardening as a therapeutic activity. Go figure. All I can say is his Italian wedding soup is to die for. His food makes me feel so loved.

4. Compliments Matter

I no longer look anything like the lithe sylph-like dancer my husband married. I don’t think I even qualify as a sexy senior citizen. But my spouse tells me he thinks I’m pretty or I “look nice” every day. Even though he gives new meaning to the phrase “Love is blind,” it still makes me feel good.

5. Connecting Is a Priority

Whenever I get home from work, my husband always greets me with, “I’m so glad you’re home” before pulling me in for a hug. Then he lights a fire, fixes us drinks, and we sit and talk for an hour before dinner.  It’s a lovely ritual. Even when our children were growing up and there was no such thing as cocktail hour, my husband always made time for us to connect and talk.

So there you have it—a few of the ways my husband has made sure I fall in love with him over and over.  I’m passing this on in case there’s a spouse out there determined to be irresistible.