Father’s Day Reflections: Sadness But Gratitude as Well
My father was a “big deal” in the publishing world. Prior to the illness that eventually took his life, he was the number two guy at McGraw-Hill. His boss delivered his eulogy. Harold McGraw genuinely loved my dad, not only for his business contributions but for his character and friendship.
Leafing through the sympathy letters my mother received, people who worked with my dad universally praised him for being a mentor—selfless, kind, and a great listener who inspired and encouraged them.
To be honest, as the youngest of his three daughters, that was not the person I knew on the home front. On many nights, he refused to speak to us when he arrived home, and when he did, it was mostly to communicate what he expected of us—to excel at school, with the subtext that he wanted to send us to ivy league colleges, apparently with the ultimate goal of marrying well. (We got great educations, but sadly, that last part didn’t work out so well. None of those early marriages survived.)
During our childhoods, Dad had virtually no interest in listening to us about our interests or problems and spent limited time with us. In fact, when my husband and I were dating and he was intent upon courting both me and my young son, he spent an entire afternoon doing artwork with my little boy. I remember telling him, “You’ve just spent more one-on-one time with my child in one afternoon than my dad spent with me during my entire childhood.”
In retrospect, I think maybe my father was so exhausted from being such a superman at work that he simply ran out of gas once he got home. Plus, growing up poor, abandoned by his father, and abused by his stepfather, he lacked loving, caring role models. He honestly thought his sole parenting responsibility was to “raise the standard of living of his family.” And at that, he succeeded.
I loved and admired my father for all of his professional accomplishments and am grateful that he passed on a great work ethic and a love of education and lifelong learning. But I’ve often thought and said that when he died, I grieved not only for the dad I’d lost, but for the one I’d never really had.
One of my favorite pictures of my husband, a great dad, making a cake with our grandson!
Yet, on this Father’s Day, I feel such enormous gratitude for my husband, a devoted and stellar father, as well as for our children, who have grown up to become such amazing dads and ever-thoughtful sons. It really is about putting in loving, caring time. Patience, humor, and listening are life-changing parental gifts.
I am so thankful for these amazing men in my family. This Father’s Day, I celebrate them and all the wonderful fathers everywhere!
Our older son going trick-or-treating with his daughter
Our younger son kayaking with his daughter
This is an expressively written piece that conveys a nuanced reflection of fatherhood, from a personal perspective. I find it very well written and fair to all the fathers it covered. And the pictures are fantastic!