President Obama had barely taken the oath of office when Senator Mitch McConnell, one of the folks who makes me profoundly embarrassed to admit I live in Kentucky, announced his primary goal was to limit Obama to one term in office. He didn’t succeed, but he and his Republican cronies became the “party of No” and did everything in their power to block any and all of the President’s legislative efforts. Obamacare became the devil incarnate it was their duty to eliminate—never mind millions of people were able to get health insurance for the first time. Now of course, thanks to a Republican-controlled White House and Congress, they’re at risk for losing it.
And never mind that President Obama inherited an economy in free fall and left office with a recovery in process. If you believe all those Republican politicians, during his eight years on the job, whatever wasn’t going well in this country was clearly his fault. The “party of No” made blame setting a fine art they excelled in.
Now they don’t have to blame set or be the “party of no” anymore. They’re in charge, and believe me, I am a sore loser. And very immature, especially for somebody so—well, of a certain age.
That’s why I’ve decided to take a page from the Republican book during the Obama years. I plan to blame absolutely everything on Trump and all those middle-aged white guys swigging beer in the Rose Garden and celebrating destroying citizens’ healthcare. Henceforth, whatever is happening in my life that’s not going so great, I plan to blame on Trump. Here’s my list so far:
- I’ve been getting dizzy spells every morning when I first wake up. I used to blame this on low blood pressure. Well, no more! This is clearly a case of Trump-i-tis. The minute I wake up, I know I’m going to have to go down and tune in Morning Joe and hear about what horrible thing Trump has tweeted in the night or what executive order he’s issued to harm immigrants or weaken our fight against global warming. The very thought of facing the day’s Trumpian news has undoubtedly caused my dizziness problems.
- Yesterday was Oaks Day, the day before the Kentucky Derby. This is a huge celebration for Louisvillians and visitors who come from all over the world to watch the races. Well, it rained all day, hurting attendance and profits. No question this is Trump’s fault. The gods up in the sky took one look at all those Kentuckians who voted for him and said to themselves, “These folks need to be punished for falling for that kind of snake oil salesmanship. Let the rains begin.”
- The number of narcissists I’m running into is mushrooming. I used to only know one or two. Now they’re everywhere I go, sporting spray tans and spouting self-absorbed and self-aggrandizing rhetoric. This is clearly Trump’s fault. He has made narcissism fashionable.
I’m sure my list will grow over the next four years. I’m getting dizzier just thinking about it.